Avoding the Billion Dollar Mistake

As promised you can learn to avoid the common characteristic of not listening effectively by paying close attention to the following. To truly listen to your speaker you must try to fully understand what is being said. According to management guru Stephen Convey, there is a difference between listeners. There are those who listen with the intent to reply and those that listen to understand. Without truly understanding someone else’s perspective, communication clarity gets lost.

With these differences in mind, there are a few steps that can lead us towards communicating effectively. But remember that these steps are just techniques and therefore can only take you so far. They will only work if you truly have the sincere desire to understand. No one person has the answers to everything. Once you come to that conclusion you will realize that it is crucial to understand what others are saying. Only you can grasp the entire scoop of a concept instead of just your own perspective.

Step One: Completely focus on the other person. Put all your thoughts and feelings on the back burner. Before listening, mentally say to yourself, “I want to understand what this person is saying.” Simply listen with the focus to understand, and nothing else.

Step Two: Restate the other person’s idea out-loud in your own words. By paraphasing we can accomplish two things: You demonstrate that you truly understand. And the other party will know that you do. This way there is no evidence of a miscommunication because you can validate the concept and the other party can verify it.

According to Stephen Convey, “"agreement" is not part of these steps. Paraphrasing does not mean agreeing.” Remember that when you are paraphrasing, do not mock your speaker. Although differences of opinions occur, it is normal and can be constructive. They can help build a bigger more well rounded picture.

Purposed listening eliminates second guessing and much misunderstanding. But again—you have to want to understand. With understanding you can conquer any task. Without it, you're missing the mark, and not really listening.